I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize