I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
