Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Come on in and take your pants off
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