your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
