why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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