Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
