Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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