Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm going to jail i love you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
