I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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