i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
