my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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