Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
