it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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