is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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