Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
