she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
