I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
