I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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