i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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