Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
