I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
