"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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