literally had 100 drinks last night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
