the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
