ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
