Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do herpes really smell.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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