Will you blow on my dice?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
