I'm gonna have a badass scar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
