marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We talked him into tasing himself.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
