talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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