Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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