Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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