The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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