I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
