my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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