Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
