They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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