I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
