Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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