Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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