hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
