Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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