Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
