omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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