im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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