Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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