She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
