Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
