I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
