the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
