Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just googled if crying burns calories
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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