I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
