btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
