i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
