you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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