we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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