I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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