Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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