she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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