Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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